I’ve been in China for just over three weeks now and after a fairly iffy period, I am now happy to report that I am happy.
The wobbles I had out here got me wandering what it takes to start up somewhere new. You’re an interesting human being with all sorts of hobbies and talents but how do you bring the old you with you?
I’ve done a few new startups in the past three years or so; here’s what I learned.
Adjust your attitude
How do you feel about where you’re going?
I’m not going to tell you that you need to be positive about somewhere you actually feel negative about. That’s not even a thing – feelings are feelings. However, it kind of goes without saying that if you’re excited to go on your new adventure, you’re much more likely to enjoy it from the outset. So if your stomach flinches every time you think about departing or you have a constant, dull ache in your heart in the run up to leaving, there are some ways to make this better.
Firstly, you can research where you’re going. What does it have to offer? What can you do at the weekends? What will nights out look like? What is the local cuisine like? Infrastructure is another helpful thing to know about; which bus stop will you be living near? How are you going to get around?
If you can picture yourself in this place, it’s going to make you think more positively before you leave. Yes, the chances are that the reality will be very different to what you’re expecting but it helps to visualise things.
Make sure you can still be you
Firstly, what do you do to relax? What calms you down? What makes you feel like you again?
For me, I need my music library, I need a space I can call my own and I need means of working out. In my world, this is the foundation to any successful living situation.
So decide what it is. Do you need access to nature? A beach? Shops? Netflix? Basketball courts? A piano? Whatever helps you to relax and stay in touch with who you are, find a way of accessing them. The moment I got my router set up so that I could access Spotify, China was a much happier place. If you climb on that plane/train/boat to your new destination, knowing you can still be you, things look a lot more manageable.
Make some friends
This always seems like the hardest one; what if there simply isn’t anyone you click with? Not every place in the world is going to have someone compatible with your personality.
Well that’s not strictly true. Making friends is the easiest bit – even during the less successful endeavours of mine, I still had friends. They don’t have to be your best friends, just friendly faces you can have a drink with.
The first step is to leave your room. You will not make friends by sitting, hoping and wishing.
The next thing is to be a positive person. Even if you’re not sure you like where you are, don’t use that as your opening line. People naturally avoid negativity in others – it’s built into us. You’re allowed to express your real feelings, but don’t let them define you.
Furthermore, remember that you have a lot to offer. If you don’t think you’re great, how are you going to make others think you are? This isn’t a self help post so I won’t carry on but trust me, everyone is worth someone else’s time.
So what if you’re not at a university or an institution where you are bound to meet new people? Work isn’t always an appropriate place to make friends.
In this age of technology it’s never been easier. Of course you could join a sports team, a choir, drawing lessons and whatever they used to do in the olden days – I found language exchange evenings particularly good in Paris. However, you can also go on Tinder. Yes I said it. Tinder. By simply making it clear that I was looking for some cool hangouts and getting to know some locals, I made some great friends in Paris through Tinder. If that’s not your bag you can join Facebook groups; nearly every city will have an Erasmus page that you can join even if you’re not a student. The events you find through these pages will be full of people desperate to make new friends.
I also came across someone who clicked on their location on Instagram to see who was posting from there. She found someone who had done a few posts and was clearly living there too and contacted them to ask if they wanted to meet for coffee. Just be shameless; nobody judges someone for being friendly – even if you think you’re being uncool. I learned this the hard way at university and now I throw myself into making friends and I am so much happier for it.
Eat food
One of the reasons China was quite difficult to start out with was that I just couldn’t master an eating regime. Any nice food ended up costing too much to be a regular part of the diet and I also ended up ordering some things that were inedible… let’s just say the Chinese don’t waste any part of an animal.
In the end, it came from experimenting and asking for tips from locals. Ask them what they have for breakfast, where do they usually have lunch etc. Try different snacks and keep your mind open. Frog may be a disgusting concept to some, but it is a fairly expensive specialty in China. French snails are also yummy. I can’t say I enjoyed the Cambodian duck embryo or the lamb’s brain in Turkey but more often than not, things are nicer than you think they will be.
Integrate
Moving to a place where you clearly are not a local can be hard. Here in China it sometimes feels difficult to connect when I’m being constantly stared at because I look different and I struggle to have a conversation past ‘chicken noodles to take away please’.
Learning the language of wherever you are can seriously help this situation. If you can go all out and learn the language properly that is ideal. If not, just learn a few token pieces that show that you’ve made an effort. The look that Chinese people give me when I make it known that I can understand what they’re saying about me is always a great feeling. Usually because they’re mocking me.
Another element of integration is observing local etiquette: do they leave tips? Do friends kiss one another on arrival? How do you hail a taxi? Table etiquette is a big one.
If you learn this stuff, you will feel so much more confident leaving the house.
So in summary, be prepared and be confident. If you are starting up in a new place you’re already proving that you are brave by nature so own it: be positive, look after yourself, make some friends, eat some good food and learn about where you are.
Bon voyage!